NO EXCUSE– #MakeLifeWork

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Abroad, black business, business, california, chai, dream big, dreambig, ecuador, Ecuador expats, ecuadorians, English, entrepreneur, entrepreneurship, expats, expats in Ecuador, female business, female business owners, female entrepreneurs, happiness, ibarra, imbabura, indie, latin america, new business, small business, té, tea, tea house, tea shop, teahouse, woman traveler

June 2016

I tried really hard to think of reasons not to write up and submit a conference summary paper. The excuses ranged from “I’m no longer working for a uni” to “who really cares about my meditation research” to “I need to focus on my real money-making business.” But in the end, the feeling of giving up over took any excuses. You see, it was a personal goal to write up a conference paper and submit it; not for bragging (bc honestly no one really cares about my conference presentations except for me), but for me. It was a completion mark; like applying for a scholarship, wining; preparing diligently for my conference workshop; having a successful workshop; sharing my information and putting my ideas out there; submitting a conference paper.

It’s having little goals that give me encouragement to make the bigger goals.

Regularly, I listen to motivational videos and commencement speeches and the people always say how others thought they were crazy and how daunting the biz path looked and how they had some fear/dobut, but they pushed through.

I’m in a pivotal time for a startup and know not writing that paper and submitting would signify my ability to bs and make up excuses for why various parts of my life/biz sucks. As Oprah and others have said, there’s no knight coming to save me; I have to save myself.It is up to me to make things happen in my life/biz.

So, before I could develop the habit of excuse making , I needed to develop the habit of pushing through. I told myself today “no pity party” as I watched people walk by with ice cream and bread. As the video lady said people have money, so you have to figure out how to get them to spend their money on your product. That is my goal as an entrepreneur.

What I have discovered at the close of another month is that I am providing something special for people who want foreign specialness. I accept that a lot of people don’t want my Cali ways; they love Ibarra and its traditions. I respect that. But I know there are people like me who want a little something different, a little something abnormal, a little something that says, “I’m not just an Ibarreno; I’m a global citizen.”

Now I just need to create a clearer path to connecting with my tribe.

“Espera No Mas” & Other Things I’ve learned after 6 months of running a teahouse in Ecuador– — An Entrepreneur’s Story

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Abroad, black business, Black travel, business, california, dreambig, ecuador, Ecuador expats, English, entrepreneur, entrepreneurship, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, female business, female business owners, female entrepreneurs, happiness, ibarra, imbabura, indie press, latin america, life, los angeles, new business, small business, té, tea, tea house, teacher, travel, viva la vida, woman traveler, writing, Yachay

Friend: How have u been?

Me: “it’s been a rough week, but i just need to find my groove again. I’m optimistic about tmrrw.”

Friend: Lol

 

I’ve been really off lately. I didn’t figure in properly how my mini-break (3 weeks in Europe) would affect my work game mentally and physically. Like I knew I would probably have jet lag, but my mind hasn’t fully returned to the work situation. Plus the big earthquake in Ecuador has me thinking – how is my biz going to co-exist with rebuilding a country?

This week has been slow at my teahouse, so it has allowed me more time to reflect about life as of May 2016. And what my mind always wanders to is writing. Les Brown says in one of his videos that we either live our dreams or our fears. And for some reason I’m living my two biggest fears – A. not getting published & B. —.

So how do I make my two biggest goals happen? Like I know, lol. But there must be a correlation btwn somewhat successfully starting my tea & English language biz and failing miserably at the two most impt goals in my life. But what?

So what has six months as a biz person taught me that I can seriously apply to my other areas of life and help me accomplish my two goals?

1. “Make it work!”  IT being everything. Life gives you what you need to make things happen, you just have to find the courage to do it.
2. “I can hear you.” (This is what a hella unfriendly clerk in a macaroon store in Paris
   told me bc he surely didn’t want to walk over and take my order, lol.) People want someone to listen to them. So I’m like a bartender. People come to me to vent, to ask for practical advice, to feel less lonely, to be encouraged. As my name means counselor, I accept this role. I think my years of isolation/not-fitting-in/being non-cliquey has enabled me to relate to others in a way that helps them feel better about themselves and life. that’s a gift from god.
3. “Naw, I’m not doing that!” Stay with your ideas but also be flexible. It’s a tricky balance.
4. “Move Forward!” A lot of Yachay folks – present and former employees&students– stop by to discuss that Yachay life. I listen bc I know everyone wants to be heard; but I don’t get involved emotionally bc Yachay is my past. It served its purpose in my life; thus, my life goes forward and not back. When people ask why I left Yachay, I tell people with a quickness,  “I got fired from Yachay. That’s life!” And everyone agrees es lo que hay. No biggie. I’m still the intelligent Afro-Am woman that I have always been and always will be.
5. “If you stay ready…” Sometimes I feel myself making a bad first impression. I assume no one is going to show up for tea, so I don’t have all of the items on the menu, which makes me look unprofessional. So as I revise my menu, I need to keep in mind the In ‘n Out approach to biz. I also need to remember I have a biz that is open to the public and I want the public to support, so I need to step my professional game up. Stay ready, yo!
6. “Love Thyself!” – I’m a fan of life breaks. When I entered UCLA as a burnt-out freshman, I knew life breaks were needed things. (Malia Obama was right in taking that gap year break before going to Harvard.) I just know I work really hard, so I need to play really hard, and playing for me is stepping back from reality if only for an hour nap or 3 weeks in Europe.
7. Keep it Simple! Keep it Real! Keep it Flowin! – it’s been my motto in life for more than a decade.
8. “It ain’t always about you, boo.” I am lowering my expectations and not taking things so personal. I have encountered a lot of people who don’t keep their words, only look out for self and misuse my “friendship.” Because this happens on the regular in this expat life, I’m learning not to have my Cali standards in many situations but to always have my LA skepticism.
9. “My cup runneth over.” What God has for me, is for me; so don’t hate on others. I often feel the mice-fighting-over-crumps scenario in Ibarra/Ecuador as I try to establish my biz and build biz relationships. I believe in helping people by sharing my knowledge, so when people don’t do the communal things, I’m learning to let it go. Everyone doesn’t want me to succeed; everyone doesn’t like me; everyone doesn’t share in my work ethic. I gotta do me and meet God on the other side.
10. “You’re not my client. Siga no mas.” I’m ok that not everyone wants to have my products & services. And I won’t lower my prices bc I give highly quality English services and some good tea.
11. “Espera No Mas” (Continue to wait/hope) – I wrote a book entitled this (of course, no one wants to publish it, but I’m not bitter, hahaha). And it really is the story of my life; things never come when I want them to come; they come when God decides it is time. For example, tonight as I was doing my yoga, the image for my window front came to me. I have been trying to figure out how to make Mama California look nice, and man, it just hasn’t come for 1 year. But out of nowhere, tonight on the floor with my legs high up in the air, the vision arrived. Then confirmation came with a similar image on FB page “Libros y café.” Perhaps my Romeo will arrive in the same fashion, hehe.
12. “Don’t chase the money; chase the dream.” “Work on your craft, and the money will come.” “Follow your passion.” “You have to do what you love.”  You should do what you want in life. My decision to do me has confused many people. My mom mumbled her confusion of my lifestyle while we were in Paris. I couldn’t even make out what she was really saying, but it was something like she wasn’t going to waste too much energy giving me feedback/commentary, bc she knew I was going to do me and it might work out, haha. I have chosen to go way off the mainstream path towards the American Dream. Yet this path that I am on is the most logical for me. If I would have not taken my five-year-break-from-life—-I can’t even finish that thought, bc there was no alternative for me. I had to live LA to be able to live my life and not the life others expected me to live. I wanted to be a writer — you know, write the Next Great American Novel– so I tried, still trying. I wanted to see the world, so I put myself out there in the non-Cali arena and went oh-natural with my hair. And I learned to float with the tides of life. I haven’t sunk, so I guess I’m doing alright.
13. “Do like a stupid” Ai-san was right– don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh more, sing aloud more, dance more, crack a joke more, wear those “ubiquitous” colors more (an older, white female colleague’s comment on my clothing). #YOLO #TheHustleIsReal #MakeLifeWork #AmaLaVida #CaliONMyMind

 

A Jump from Practicality — An Entrepreneur’s Story

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Abroad, black business, california, courage, dreambig, ecuador, English, entrepreneur, entrepreneurship, esl, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, female business, female business owners, female entrepreneurs, ibarra, imbabura, motivation, tea, tea house, teacher, teaching abroad, teahouse, yolo

JUMP – STEVE HARVEY MOTIVATIONAL

I’m a very practical person. Despite my artsy/Cali-hippie/roll-the-dice moments, I follow logic. It makes life easier, and I’m all about that simple life. Thus, me quitting my part-time teaching job is a very non-Monique thing. My decision was in direct response to teaching third-year English majors who did not enjoy my Cali/only-English-in-the-English-class/don’t-give-me-copying-&-pasting-bs teaching style.”English! English! English!” they complained about my class; and some went so far as to blame low test scores directly on my usage of English in the English classroom. (Of course no one wants to take responsbility for not going to office hours, not doing homework and not fully paying attention in class by putting away cellphones/Facebook.) They all agreed that they wanted what they were used to– a bilingual teacher who spoke Spanish in the English classroom.

My decision to remove myself from a place where I was not valued has created a new situation for me. I find myself living completely in faith. And it’s slightly scary.

I mean, no steady income from another person/company/government agency — like WTF?! But I knew two jobs back-to-back where I was disrespected in the office and having ungrateful English students– yeah, time to roll out and lean not on my own understanding. Life has set me up to do me and be my own boss, so I had to jump. And jump I did last week.

And in doing me, I’m boldly creating my vision of what I want my companies to evolve into. This past week — and today– I spoke confidently about what I want to do with my teahouse and my new English language service. Because I listen to motivational videos everyday, I know I must listen to my gut and stick to my vision. I have compromised a lot in my teahouse (selling real food, doing a lot of English things, making paletas/popsicles), but what I’m not going to do is sell coffee in my teahouse now (maybe in the future I will serve international coffee, but now I have to properly introduce “artisanal tea” in coffee land). I’m not going to take a survey of my neighbors to find out what Ecuadorians want from a Californian tea house when I’m the Californian. And I’m not going to take on the money-fear of others who only seek to have a good salary from a job they hate. I need to build wealth and happiness right now. And it’s possible if I stay patient, positive and proactive.

The day after I resigned from my part-time job, I went to the government office to become a legal freelancer in English teaching/editing/writing. Then I heard Steve Harvey talking about jumping and how we must all jump in life to be successful. And I knew I had made the right decision to jump from the safety of a shitty job into the uncertainty of entrepreneurship. I jumped and now I’m learning how to adjust to this new feeling of free-falling. There are no regrets because when you know better you do better.

 

 

Time to turn it up! #turnup

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Abroad, Black travel, california, ecuador, Ecuador expats, esl, esl teaching, expats, fired, happiness, ibarra, life, new beginnings, salon de te, swag, tea, tea house, tea shop, teacher, teaching abroad, viva la vida, woman traveler

i had initially begun writing this post about a month ago, but decided not to post. i was self-censoring as i sometimes do (i know some people think i say everything that’s on my mind, but i don’t always. i have hometraining, some common sense and a high school diploma from LAUSD). but today i received a note from someone who has be following my effort to open a tea house and teach english ecuador. so i thought, wow, someone is actually reading my stuff. like, i know people eye my moves when i post them on FB, but this wordpress thing is just me writing for myself. it’s me keeping my writer dream alive.

this post was originally entitled, “Getting Fired & the niceness that happened on the plantation that fine August day (the edited version).” but somehow this doesn’t fit my mood now. i have truly moved on from yachay and the melodrama bc as i stated prior to being fired, yachay has given me everything i set out to get from it.  after my peru conference trip, i was in the “bonus round,” meaning if i were to have received anything else from yachay, it would have been extra.

when something plays itself out, let it play out and move on to the next tune. and my next tunes are called “Mama California” and “Universidad Catolica” and “UK conference presentation” and “turn my swag on.” moving forward means not thinking about how people wronged you in the past. how so-called friends write half-truths about you in “daily journal” blogs or the cowardly manner in which bosses save face by firing people who threaten the throne. it means being “on to the next episode, yeah, yeah.”

i’m at a point where my life is good, not great, but surely not horrible. “i’m feeling myself…i’m feeling myself” but not in that cocky manner; but in a way that says “i’m doing me” and if you don’t like it, that’s cool bc i like myself. it’s too simple and easy to play the victim role in life or the critic who always finds flaws in others’ attempts to live. i much prefer the entrepreneur, conquer, i-am-woman-hear-me-roar role. this is what makes life exciting–working to your full ability. i’m working at about 85% of my potential right now. i can’t wait to reach 90% when i learn how to work “smartly” and make my money work for me.

that day is coming. i see it on the horizon.

“Turn My Swag On”

Soulja Boy tell ’em!
Hopped up out the bed,
Turn my swag on,
Took a look in the mirror said what’s up
Yeah I’m getting money (oh)

Happiness with Self vs. Jealousy

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Abroad, california, community, divorce, dream big, dreambig, ecuador, Ecuador expats, efl, English, esl, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, gringo, happiness, happy, hippy, jealousy, latin america, life, los angeles, love, self, spanish, teaching abroad, valley girl

From probably the best period in my life — when I quit my sexist job and enjoyed coffee shops, biking, writing & Seoul for three months.

I am as simple as it gets.

I’m a Valley Girl whose family is from the inner city of L.A. I was educated in the public schools of LA and a public university in LA. I struggle to lose the 30lbs I gained from stress eating in Ecuador last time I lived here. No one wants to publish my novels, so I’m dumbfounded on what to do with like 5 novels. I’m single and let me tell you its hard meeting a decent guy that wants a non-Barbie/Beyonce chic who happens to be slightly “ambitious.” I don’t have a PhD (nor do I want one), but I read newspapers and try to speak proper English around “highly educated people.” I talk with the cleaning ladies in my office and the security guards on campus in my horrific-gringo-flavored Spanish. I eat $2.50 meals at small mom-and-pop restaurants in Ecuador. I try to share my knowledge with others bc, as naive and hippy as it may sound, I believe in  community and the give-take relationship one has with his/her society.

But lately, I have been sensing a jealousy vibe around me.

And I must ask, What causes jealousy? Surely, it can’t be a Simple Jane like me.

My students have been writing about the cause of happiness for their final essay (this assignment came from the book, not this hippy teacher, lol). There are numerous theories on what causes people to be happy, but one that I think is the most important is self acceptance aka liking self.

I used to have super low self-esteem and not feel good about myself. I used to compare my life with others and always in negative ways. I blamed others for my unhappiness and actively played the victim role. But during the Christmas of 2013, I realized “This Is It!” My 5-year-break-from-life was over and this was the only life I was getting, so I needed to make life work.

It was a year process to arrive to the point where I could say, “I’m happy. I like myself.” This happiness with self that I am experiencing is possible for others if they choose to be happy and love life. Thus, why would someone choose jealousy over creating happiness with self?

I know life is complicated, but my “winning at life” is simple– I work hard. I do the extra work. I stay the extra hour at work. I ask the extra question. I create opportunities for professional growth. I have compassion for others. I watch those motivational videos on YouTube and listen to personal development books while working out. I set goals and create a logical plan to achieve those girls.  I think about the bigger picture. I roll the dice in life. And most importantly, I throw myself to the wind and see where life takes me.

Once you decide to go with the flow of life, that flow will lead you to the real happiness, or as the Japanes say “kimochi ii” (the good feeling inside of you). By flowing with life, you will learn how to be happy with yourself, and even better, be happy for others and not jealous of them.

#makelifework #dreambig

Sunday morning…Mama California

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cafe, cafecito, california, ecuador, esl, esl teaching, mama, quito, tea, tea house, tea shop, tea time

El Cafecito in Quito

It’s mornings like this that make me think that my tea house will be a great place to visit on Sunday mornings to enjoy life a little bit more.

Yesterday, I visited El Cafecito in Quito. As I talked with the Canadian owner, I mentioned how I hope to stay in Ecuador for a bit to run my tea shop. I told him the name would be “California Tea Houses” in English and “Casas de California” in Spanish because calling it a “tea lounge” would just be too complicated. He said I shouldn’t have two names and, to keep it real, I should change the name all together. A few minutes later he came back and told me to change it to “Mama California” or “California Mama.”

He explained that “Mama” was important in Ecuadorian culture. It gives a homey feeling and good vibe. People, he told me, would see my tea lady and think of mom and how “tea warms the soul.” He recalled drinking tea with his British grandma and how she would tell stories. And that is what tea time means, he went on, sharing conversations, sharing time with people. Then I told him my slogan, “Why sip alone?” And he said, yeah, that’s it.

My Ecuadorian companion for the afternoon agreed that “Mama California” was the right name. On the taxi ride home, I asked my Ecuadorian taxi driver and he also agreed “Mama California” was better than “Casas de California.”

So I here I am changing the name again. But I know this is a good thing. When people take time to actually think about your projects and goals and give you good advice, you should take it. It’s like me helping the cafe owner at the Lake Cuicocha last week and giving her ideas on her business. Pay it forward, or  “give and it will come back to you” as they sing in my church back home in L.A.

“Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind– the race is long.” This lyric from “Everyone’s Free To Wear Sunscreen” sums up life’s journey. Sometimes you help a stranger, and sometimes a stranger helps you. What matters is that you keep the cycle going.

I hope to contribute to the cycle with Mama California.

Going ghost– You can’t see me!

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california, do you, dreambig, Ecuador expats, expats, expats in Ecuador, ghost, té, tea, tea house

Yachay Tech Uni

One of the hardest things for me to accept is when people are genuinely not happy for me. My brother says this is one of my many hippie flaws — I want everyone to like me. I think I have grown pass the “please-like-me” phase in life, and I’m more into the respect me and I’ll respect you back. (I just told my new students this week how I had a disrespectful bunch of students last semester and it wasn’t anything nice. One former student even gave an “amen” to my statement.) My problem is when you can sense a person not liking you because you are doing something that s/he isn’t doing or didn’t think of doing. Once I realize that someone can not be happy for me, it’s hard for me to maintain a relationship. So I do the slow fall back or as my homie Felipe says, “go ghost; they can’t see you.” And this is the new phase of life I’m in — Going Ghost. I’m learning how to not offer my unsought after help and think about my needs/wants first. I’m doing as Steve Harvey says — putting my head down and working hard to accomplish my big things; I’m focusing on me and my tea shop business. Part of me feels a little sad to be at this point, but I can hear people saying, “Girl, why it take you so long to get here?” And I need to refocus my energy. Lately, I have been having some shitty days because I allowed outside forces to have my peace, my joy and my energy. I didn’t flow with life; I tried to change the flow of a tide that was too big and already approaching. I stopped exercising for a few days; thus, I wasn’t listening to my inspirational audio books. And I wasn’t having enough encouraging conversations to balance the work stress that was forming. I thought I needed to change others in order to do me, but doing you means you let others do them. Then, those shitty days started to fade when I began remembering the luv I’m getting from folks about my tea shop. So I thought about all the people who are rooting for me and California Tea Houses. I thought about how excited my grandma was for me and told me I would be a boss that would easily fire someone if s/he is not performing well and keep things moving. I was like, dang, that’s how you see me, grandma? But then I thought I do get highly annoyed when I feel things aren’t going as well as they could be. I don’t know why I consider this trait bad. If I were a man, this would be no big deal; but I’m a woman and when I’m assertive, I can feel the “she’s a bitch” in the air. But I need to stop putting that vibe in the air; I need to put the “I’m about my business and my business is doing big things. I’m winning in life!” (I can hear T.I.’s “Big Things Poppin” song now.) Life is a mystery and I need to remember not to try to figure it out too much anymore. I need to find the flow and flow with it. I need to find the beat and dance with it. And I need to find the backdrop of unimportant things and go ghost.

Cali is Calling, and it says ,”Open that Tea House Ahora!”

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cali, california, dreambig, entrepreneur, expats, expats in Ecuador, new business, small business, tea, tea shop

Having a Cali flag in a Cool Cali is very necessary.

I knew starting a business would be challenging, but I somewhat expected most of the challenges to arrive after the doors were fully opened, but life isn’t like that. You know, things can’t be predicted really accurately.

Since returning to Ecuador from my mini-trip home to Cali (where most people were super positive and supportive of my tea shop venture), I have been putting along the road to the opening of California Tea Houses. There’s the legal stuff, which has become a huge bump. There’s where to buy furniture and where to find a carpenter to make a bar. What to do if my landlord somehow “can’t” install a sink inside the cafe. And the list goes on.

Books from my world travels and books about Cali. My favorite title, “California Fruits, Flakes, and Nuts: True Tales of California Crazies, Crackpots and Creeps.” (My mom didn’t see the humor in the title.)

Some moments feel heavy and overwhelming. I wonder, “Am I really doing this?” Other moments give way to me reminding myself of the inner-power one has and can tap into. Then I read or watch stuff about small business owners and the tea industry.

Not sure if I will incorporate these items into the cafe or my apt.

So, as I reboot for another weekend of cafe prepping — shopping for furniture, testing out my cup cake maker, creating my vertical garden, organizing the first two art exhibits– I know I need to focus on what I can do, which is a whole lot.

Opening a business in a foreign country is like dating — a game of “espera no mas.” (which reminds me I need to edit my “pop song” novel this weekend, too.)

Prints for an upcoming art exhibit. Crazy to think I will be determining what is “art.” Also, teas, woodart from Santa Monic/3rd Street, and tons of cups/glasses.

Sex & Friends

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Abroad, aids, california, cotacachi, ecuador, Ecuador expats, esl, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, friends, happiness, hiv, hollywood, ibarra, iteawon, love, meditation, romance, safe sex, sex, stds, women

Is love & marriage still possible? As seen in Ibarra.

Sex is said to make people do crazy things. But in 2014, I thought the insanity would have mellowed itself out. I mean some risky behavior should be an immediate “hell-to-the-no” type of situation; yet for some, it is not.

Today a friend told me something about his sex life that made me mad and disappointed. Yet the biggest problem I am having is in not judging his behavior and accepting the reality of his truth.

After eight years of living abroad, my moral radar is way off. It’s hard for me to fully know what is wrong and right. So many things are contextual, cultural, and situational. (I mean it has to be a Penn State sexual molestation situation for me to clearly say that is wrong.) I find the old, anal Monique fading away, and a much more open-minded person emerging. Yet, risky sex behavior makes me cringe and wonder, “Is it really worth it?”

As seen in Hollywood.

With so much info out there about STDs and unwanted pregnancies, I thought people would really want to protect themselves, but it’s surprising to talk with someone who simply doesn’t care about the aftermath; the moments of self-gratification justifies the means of achieving it.

Thus, I am left to contemplate when is a friend truly a friend when speaking honestly about one’s sex life. I have listened to friends’ tales of random hook ups via special subway cars, cell phone apps, jimjilbangs, drunkin episodes, gotta-sample–the-locals, Only-because-I’m-in-Korea/Costa Rica/Chile/Ecuador/Japan, a-man-has-needs, etc. I usually listen and shrug it off because I have my own issues to deal with, and once you are 18, it’s really your life to live.

But when something is so theatre of the absurd and ludicrous, I can’t pretend things are cool. I told the friend it was crazy to have unprotected sex with multiple people. I mean, who really does that in 2014?! In chatting about the risks, he agreed the potential existed for problems to occur; yet, he still favored/favors his present practice.

“This is what we do,” he told me. Yet his comment on his upbringing explained nothing and everything. When one hasn’t found his/her own path in life, it’s easy to follow the crowd and look for ways to numb the pain of life’s setbacks. Expat communities have plenty of people doing this from Iteawon to Cotacachi. It takes courage to make life work and be content with it. A life that is simple, pleasant, and less drama filled is hard to maintain, but it is possible with faith, meditation, self acceptance and realistic goals. So why put yourself at a higher risk for STDs/HIV/AIDS and unwanted pregnancies?

Message from NYC gov