“I’m doing me”

So today my boss told me that I will not be moving to the faculty housing because I’m a pretty flexible and adaptable person. At first, that old, anal Monique popped up and I was like “WTF?!” But in the same moment, I remembered I really didn’t care. I’m making Ecuador work in student housing and/or faculty housing. And that was when I knew I was on the right path, a way from anal past.

student housing aka my street

I used to be very unhappy with life and angry at the world. I was an unpleasant person to be around. I allowed my environment to dictate my feelings, and I gave my peace away to others. I only saw my flaws and internalized others’ negatively commentary on me and my goals.

But last Christmas, I had a breakdown and a breakthrough. And that is how life works for many of us. Steve Harvey always talks about the darkest hours before big blessings. And last Christmas was truly a miserable experience for me, but it was also when I realized, “This is it! I’m no longer on a break-from-life (aka living abroad away from real world participation). This is the only life I have, and I gotta make it.”

It may seem like a simple revelation, but it was this mental switch on the “this is it!” that began my transformation, which allowed my boss to see me as the person I want to be–fluid, flowing with life. I try no longer to dictate life, but I try to catch the vibe/feeling and adjust my body/mind to its rhythm. I try to do the things that make me happy; I try to help others achieve their happiness; I try not to worry too much about the L’s of life (love, loneliness, lust, luck, living, losing, longing, learning); I try not to worry about people not wanting to be “friends” with me because as I tell people, “It’s ok if you don’t like L.A. We (Angelenos) like ourselves.” Besides I have cool family members and cool friends who are actually rooting for me to publish a novel/book and open my tea shop.

So I may not be moving up on like the Jefferson to better housing, and I maybe awaken by freshman starting a party at 1am, but I have achieved something more precious than faculty housing– others are seeing the me that I am aspiring to be.

how i start my mornings– at peace with myself and the world.

Sex & Friends

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Abroad, aids, california, cotacachi, ecuador, Ecuador expats, esl, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, friends, happiness, hiv, hollywood, ibarra, iteawon, love, meditation, romance, safe sex, sex, stds, women

Is love & marriage still possible? As seen in Ibarra.

Sex is said to make people do crazy things. But in 2014, I thought the insanity would have mellowed itself out. I mean some risky behavior should be an immediate “hell-to-the-no” type of situation; yet for some, it is not.

Today a friend told me something about his sex life that made me mad and disappointed. Yet the biggest problem I am having is in not judging his behavior and accepting the reality of his truth.

After eight years of living abroad, my moral radar is way off. It’s hard for me to fully know what is wrong and right. So many things are contextual, cultural, and situational. (I mean it has to be a Penn State sexual molestation situation for me to clearly say that is wrong.) I find the old, anal Monique fading away, and a much more open-minded person emerging. Yet, risky sex behavior makes me cringe and wonder, “Is it really worth it?”

As seen in Hollywood.

With so much info out there about STDs and unwanted pregnancies, I thought people would really want to protect themselves, but it’s surprising to talk with someone who simply doesn’t care about the aftermath; the moments of self-gratification justifies the means of achieving it.

Thus, I am left to contemplate when is a friend truly a friend when speaking honestly about one’s sex life. I have listened to friends’ tales of random hook ups via special subway cars, cell phone apps, jimjilbangs, drunkin episodes, gotta-sample–the-locals, Only-because-I’m-in-Korea/Costa Rica/Chile/Ecuador/Japan, a-man-has-needs, etc. I usually listen and shrug it off because I have my own issues to deal with, and once you are 18, it’s really your life to live.

But when something is so theatre of the absurd and ludicrous, I can’t pretend things are cool. I told the friend it was crazy to have unprotected sex with multiple people. I mean, who really does that in 2014?! In chatting about the risks, he agreed the potential existed for problems to occur; yet, he still favored/favors his present practice.

“This is what we do,” he told me. Yet his comment on his upbringing explained nothing and everything. When one hasn’t found his/her own path in life, it’s easy to follow the crowd and look for ways to numb the pain of life’s setbacks. Expat communities have plenty of people doing this from Iteawon to Cotacachi. It takes courage to make life work and be content with it. A life that is simple, pleasant, and less drama filled is hard to maintain, but it is possible with faith, meditation, self acceptance and realistic goals. So why put yourself at a higher risk for STDs/HIV/AIDS and unwanted pregnancies?

Message from NYC gov

Cafes make life better

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adventure, cafes, coffee, coffee shops, ecuador, Ecuador expats, esl, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, ibarra, tea shops, teacher, woman traveler, writer, writing, Yachay

For me, enjoying life involves a cool cafe and a cute notebook. I’m simple like that. So as I begin to discover the coffee shops of Ibarra, the neighboring city of Yachay, I sense a livable and enjoyable city taking shape.

La Molina at the SuperMaxi shopping center

Cafe Suaya near Iglesia San Agustin

La Hacienda near the Tourism Office

  

El medio de la nada

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Abroad, adventure, andes, Black travel, ecuador, Ecuador expats, ecuadorians, ecuatorianos, expats, expats in Ecuador, ibarra, imbabura, los andes, The Andes, travel, woman traveler, Yachay

One of my best memories of Japan is documented in my photos of my 30-minute walk through the city/countryside of Nankoku-shi from my studio apt to Kacho Junior High School. So here is my ode to my 40-minute bus ride from Yachay to Ibarra through the middle of nowhere in The Andes Mountains.

Stay in Your Lane…

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abraod, catholic, church, dreams, ecuador, esl, esl teaching, expats, expats in Ecuador, fighting, ganbarou, goals, happiness, happy, hope, ojala, otavalo, patience, peace, prayer, si se puede, teaching abroad, tesol, yoga, zen

Afternoon inside a church in Otavalo.

Sometimes I just want to tell people, “go f– yourself.” I know that is not the proper and educated thing to say/think, but sometimes my patience disappears and that old, L.A. Monique comes out and I just don’t want to deal with other people’s doubt/low self-esteem/lack of confidence/hater’s mentality.

People can sense my happiness & drive to achieve my goals and that causes unbelievable levels of insecurity to pop out in rude comments. And let me tell you, I might have been educated in the public schools/unis of L.A., but I know a putdown when I hear it; I feel shade being thrown on my light (and as the homie Angel say, don’t dim your light for others). So hence, I just want to tell people, “go f– yourself.”

But when these moments come, and unfortunately they have been coming a lot lately, I need to retreat and find that zen element. I went looking for a yoga mat on Sunday, but I didn’t buy one. This hard wooden floor in my bedroom does not provide the ideal yoga environment. So I haven’t done yoga in a month.

Yoga helps me get centered and refocuses on life’s positivity; yoga is a way to balance public/social self with the inner-peaceful person I seek to be.

I say all of that to say, I thought about this drive to find peace as I stepped inside this church in Otavalo, Ecuador. (I walked around town on my much needed break from grading essays/exams at the cool coffee house on the plaza.) There were only a handful of people there, but I could sense their individual searches for hope/peace/understanding/patience. After taking my photos, I sat on the front pew and thought about the peace I had given away to others for years when I didn’t know how to step back from others’ craziness and stay in my lane that was taking me closer to my dreams/goals/best self ever.

This week I have been listening to Joel Osteen and other inspirational YouTube videos. I’m trying to remind myself why I am here in Ecuador, how my goals are obtainable, and how others’ failures don’t have to become my barrier to  my success.

Why can’t I open a cool tea bar/garden? Why can’t my novel be the next great American novel? Why can’t my arrogant student(s) learn to respect me and value my teaching? Why can’t Romeo appear in the middle of nowhere in the Andes mountains of Ecuador? (Lol, I had to throw that one in.)

Life happens and it can happen for me. I just have to go for it. Ganbarou yo!(Japan) Fighting! (Korea) Ojala! Si se puede (Latin America). Just do it! (USA)